On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
