I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
