I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
