I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
