you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize