I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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