Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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