Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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