med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Text me some of your sweat
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
