it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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