i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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