the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
