me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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