I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
