Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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