Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
