I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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