Need sex. Gaining weight.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
