i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
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