You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
