We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
