I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize