i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
