I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
