I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
