your room smells of hookers.
And success
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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