so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
