If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize