Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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