He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
