Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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