Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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