If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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