Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
