No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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