i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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