Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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