I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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