They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
