It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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