I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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