He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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