I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
