I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize