Buhtt sex?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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