i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
