Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
