Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize