You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
