if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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