Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
