I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
handjob tips. give me some.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
