So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Randomize
