Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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