so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
