I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
