I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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