I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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