saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
