I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
