Yo dont text me then not text me
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize