Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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