I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize