I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
