life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
