you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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