similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
