I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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