first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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