it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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