i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
